Getting engaged can be an amazing, but also stressful time. So many thoughts run through your head, and everyone pressures you to tell them all of the details of your upcoming event. Throughout the planning process, many are so focused on the details of the day, but what they don’t realize is that they are putting their actual marriage on the back burner.
Ian and I had a long engagement for many reasons, but the most important of those reasons was to make sure that we were prepared for marriage. Throughout the entire planning process, my goal was to not only plan the wedding day, but to also plan our marriage. Benjamin Franklin once said, “If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.” We both decided before we got engaged that no matter how intense wedding planning became, we would always focus as much, if not more on planning our marriage. Although I posted on social media and talked with our friends mostly about the wedding day, we focused on our marriage every single day. We read book after book, and article after article on marriage. We watched videos, took marriage quizzes, talked about any marriage related question we could think about together, and we worked through the current issues we were having. We talked about what was causing our relationship issues, and we cut those things out of our life. We made a plan to make sure we would succeed in our marriage, and so far, we have not only stuck to our plan, but we have improved it a lot.
We did most of our marriage planning and discussions alone, but I also think it is very beneficial to have some sort of premarital counseling. Our premarital counseling was not the tradition counseling that most go through. Our officiant was Ian’s dad, so we both scheduled meetings with him alone and together to talk about struggles that we might go through. We discussed our current issues in our relationship, and potential issues that we might have to figure out along the way. I think this strengthened our relationship a lot because we not only figured out new ways to handle the issues we were currently having, but we also had a new opinion on our “marriage plan” to make sure it was as strong as it could possibly be.
Divorce is at an all time high right now. So many people jump into marriage without preparing and thinking it through. I urge every person that is planning on getting engaged, or anyone currently engaged to sit down and talk about your relationship. Make sure it is as strong as possible before making the commitment of having a life together. Marriage does NOT fix a relationship. Marriage does not strengthen a relationship. Anyone can have a wedding and get married, but the real challenge is creating a happy, and healthy marriage. You have to learn how to get through issues together, in a healthy way. Take a step back and really examine your relationship. Sitting down and doing premarital counseling, reading books, researching articles on marriage, or even reading other blog posts on how to improve your marriage are some great steps to begin preparing, but that is only the start. When it comes down to it, only you can make your relationship happy, and healthy, so give it your all and figure out what works best for your relationship.
Meet your #LoveBlog hosts:
Meet Brita Long: Christian feminist blissfully married to Dan Fleck for almost two years. Lover of Paris, pink sparkles, sensible shoes, manicures, and books. Fueled by hot tea and mimosas.
Meet Alex: Twenty-something southern wife living in the Atlanta suburbs. Lover of Pure Barre, animals, traveling, wine, eating (a lot), music, and dance parties!